• Re: Kidney Stones

    From Daryl Stout@618:250/33 to Mark Hofmann on Mon Sep 27 09:59:00 2021

    I'll never know what it is like to have a baby, but my 1st stone was really difficult at times. No question the most pain I have ever felt
    at times. Even with morphine when I was in the hospital, I could still feel it slightly. I wanted to rip it out of my body with my bare

    Well, they're doing stuff now to make men have babies like women. :P

    I think of 2 jokes along this line (got to have a laugh on a Monday <G>).

    1) This husband brings his wife, in labor, to the hospital, and they get
    her ready to go to Labor And Delivery. The OB-GYN doctor says they would
    like to try a new method...to transfer all of the pain from the mother to
    the father.

    Needless to say, Mom was all for it...and Dad (with a high pain tolerance), was as well. So, they strip them both naked, wire them up, and the doctor slowly turns the dials (he obviously doesn't want to ramp it up too fast). Well, it gets maxed out...but neither Mom or Dad have any pain at all, and
    she delivers a healthy eight pound baby boy.

    When they got home, the milkman was found dead on the front porch. <G>

    2) This couple, both ham radio operators, went into "frisky frequencies"
    one night. He walks into the bedroom, and his wife, is amorous...hot,
    horny, etc. -- she wants it!! She seductively says "Beat Me!! Whip Me!!".

    Well, he didn't have anything handy, so he goes out to their vehicles,
    and removes the antennas via a quick disconnect (I guess he wanted a
    "quickie" <G>), and they proceed to thrash each others nude body, until
    they have red welts all over them.

    Now, THIS is NOT my idea of a good time...but, if that's what a
    married couple wants to do, more power to them.

    Well, a few days later, the welts start burning and stinging...so,
    they head to the local emergency room. The doctor has them both strip
    naked, and after seeing their nude bodies with welts all over them,
    asks "Did you get this from having sex??".

    Tearfully, the couple confessed that they had. The doctor growled
    "I thought so. That's the worst case of van aerial disease I've ever
    seen" (pun intended) <BG>.

    Years ago, I was talking to my mother-in-law on the speaker phone (so
    my wife could hear the conversation, and do other tasks as well), and
    told her this joke. When I got to that punchline, my wife screamed "OH,
    NO!!" at the pun...and my mother-in-law was laughing uncontrollably. My
    wife then "spit at me like an angry cat"...the same reaction when I
    forgot to put the toilet seat back down. That was the one cardinal rule
    in our marriage...but, I grew up with a brother. I didn't know it took
    women forever and a day to get ready.

    The 2nd one I had about 8 years ago or so wasn't nearly as bad. Never ended up in the hospital and never had extreme pain. I also got to see that one come out, which was both creepy and a joyous moment at the
    same time.

    I remember passing one in the Emergency Room years ago...it looked like
    a pebble that I see out by the street.

    The trick is flooding it out with loads of water and beer.

    No beer for me...and I drink very little water. While I do need to
    drink more, I think of what W.C. Fields said: "I don't drink water.
    Fish [have sex] in it". For that matter, they relieve themselves in
    it, too. :P

    I used to drink a half gallon of diet green tea citrus a day, as
    the caffeine eased the migraine headaches, and as a diuretic, flushed
    me out. But, it sent my heart rate through the roof...twice up to 155.
    So, I've given up all caffeine and chocolate. <grumble!><cuss!> :P


    ... Either this man's dead, or my watch is stopped. -Groucho
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